Getting Her Back
by greeneyesandgoldenlashes
Summary: He needed her and all the brightness she exuded to guide him through the cave and turbid waters... If something happened to her... he would never forgive himself. This is an add-on from Red's heartbreaking fish story and the following CPR scene.


**AN: Thanks to jackandsamforever for giving it a read-over, and to my mate FrostyFingers for patiently waiting for me to write it out. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with the Blacklist. **

_**In Mexico there are these fish that colonized the freshwater caves along Sierra del Abra. They were lost. They found themselves living in complete darkness but they didn't die, instead they thrived. They adapted. They lost their pigmentation, their sight, eventually their eyes. With survival they became hideous. I've rarely thought about what I once was. But I wonder…If a ray of light were to make it into the cave…would I be able to see it? Feel it? Would I gravitate towards its warmth? And if I did, would I become less… hideous… **_

Lizzie stared at him as she listened to his story, her eyes skittered across his face trying to gauge and take in all the emotion she could see displayed upon his features. Her gaze darting from his lips back up to meet his eyes. His eyes that could change color depending on his mood or what he was wearing that day; even the weather affected their hue. At this moment, in the relative shadow of the boiler room, they appeared pale blue, grey almost. Not unlike the ocean on a cloudy day after a storm – a turbid mix of memories, both past and present with their accompanying pain hidden behind. Liz loved his eyes and their ability to change so easily.

Like a chameleon, he is able to blend in with his surroundings and mask his true thoughts. Her eyes remained electric blue – shining brightly into the darkness. She was an open book, someone once told her, too easy to read. But brighter lights are much easier to see. She focused on him again, her brow furrowed at his words. "You shouldn't have come here. I didn't want you to come, to follow me here into the filth. Not again Lizzie" he whispered, his eyes bore into her earnest ones.

"But I wanted to Red, I actually care about what happens to you. We're partners, you and I, working together as a team".

"No Lizzie, not this time, if something happened to yo-…" he was cut off by Liz stepping closer, her hands reaching up to rest at the junction of his neck and shoulder, her thumbs gently massaging the skin under his rumpled collar. "Red look at me". His eyes instantly locked with hers, grey blue meeting electric, never breaking contact. "Nothing will happen that we can't deal with. We can do this together. You and me. Okay?" Her thumbs never ceased their ministrations. She felt his shoulders relax somewhat and she smiled, a small, quick quirky grin that she reserves only for him. He returned it with a breathy chuckle before he leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on the corner of her mouth, holding his lips to her skin for a few heart stopping moments. She shut her eyes at the contact, relishing in their proximity. She missed him almost immediately as he stepped back.

"Lizzie, please, though for my own sanity and the love of God… if Braxton discovers anything about the Fulcrum, he will also realize that he can't get to it without you". They stared at each other for a moment, allowing his words to sink in until blaring sirens pierced the air. Steam began billowing out of the boilers as they resumed their positions.

"What does that mean, without me?" Lizzie asked, a hint of panic and frustration creeping into her voice. Red looked like he was about to respond when a bullet tore through the air, ricocheting off the steel and sending them both to their knees. Red returned fire first while Liz ducked back to make sure the boilers reached the correct pressure needed to explode.

"Get behind me!" Red shouted to her as she began to open fire, slipping across the corridor to get a better angle. As she moved, a bullet tore past her right arm slicing through her jacket and grazing her arm. It was hardly a life-threatening wound, but it caused Liz to stumble and become momentarily distracted. Grunting at the sting, she stepped out of sight.

"Lizzie?" Red called out to her, concerned when he noticed her fall and disappear from his sight.

"I'm fine Red, it's nothing really, just a graze".

Red wasn't satisfied. "You need to away from here Lizzie, just go, please!" His voice becoming stern, desperation and panic seeping into his voice.

"Red move away from the boilers, they're about to explode!" she cried out. He had started to turn towards her when suddenly everything went dark.

Strange, how something as loud as an explosion could create such silence. That was what greeted Liz as she cracked her eyes open. Her ears were ringing, and her arm had started to ache. As the dust settled, Liz realized there was an absence of any sound besides her own breathing. It was only her.

"Red?" she called out tentatively, slowly standing up, using what was left of one of the steel pipes. Observing her surroundings through the smoke and dim lighting, she noticed a large door that must have been blown off in the blast. Stepping closer Liz saw an arm – dressed in a now very torn up tuxedo."Reddington!" she yelled out, scrambling over debris, hauling things out of the way to reach him.

"Red, oh god… no... Red! Please wake up" Kneeling over him, she leaned her face close to his mouth, hoping desperately to feel a faint breath on her cheek. When she felt nothing, the panic set in. Sitting back on her heels she started chest compressions, frantically trying to remember the correct procedure. _One… two… three… four…_ Leaning back to look at his face, she searched for any sign of life and found none.

"Red, god damn it open your eyes!" She needed him to wake up so he could explain what he meant by the Mexican fish. He had always been cryptic, so that was nothing new, but this time… this time was different. The way he had looked at her with such a yearning and hope in his eyes, it struck home with Liz.

_But I wonder…If a ray of light were to make it into the cave…would I be able to see it? _It was as if he was talking to himself, convincing himself that this would be a good thing to do. It was then that Liz realized he was talking about her. She was the ray of light, bursting into his darkness. The realization stunned her, as she didn't even realize herself when this man had come to mean _so _much to her. He turned her life upside down, but now… now she wanted him in it, whichever way it turned.

"Breathe" Wiping away the tears that threatened to break from her eyes with the back of her hand, she leaned back and resumed the compressions. She wanted him to come back to her so she could show him how much he actually meant to her. She'd never felt this for anyone, this overwhelming sense of devotion and care… not even for her husband. She shouldn't care what happened to Red, he was just a criminal. A violent, manipulative criminal: _a monster. Hideous to all who see him. _

But he wasn't a monster. Time had changed him into something else; the darkness forged a new man. She wanted him to know that; she wanted to be able to see him in the light.

"Come ON you son of a bitch, breathe!" The tears had broken through, streaking her dirt-smeared face. This wasn't how it was supposed to end, with him on the floor and her kneeling over him, panicked and alone. "Just… breathe for me Red, open those eyes for me, please," she begged.

A loud bang, and voices from the end of the corridor startled her out of her thoughts, signaling the time for her to escape. Leaning over him one last time she whispered into his bloodied ear, "you're not hideous, Red. I don't believe you ever were", before slipping away into the shadows.

Red awoke to his name being called and the smell of smoke in the air. He could hear Desmond faintly through the ringing in his ears asking if he was alright. The only thing Red was concerned about was Lizzie's well-being. He sat up, brushing debris off his body, squinting into the darkness. He couldn't see her. Turning to Desmond with a panicked look upon his face, "where is she? Where is she!?" He practically roared, an overwhelming sense of fear flooding his system.

Red was furious. Not with Lizzie, but with himself for putting her in danger _again. _"Find out what happened to her, Desmond"_. _Red's face fell into his hands as he allowed his thoughts to wander down a dark path. If something happened to her... he would never forgive himself.

He would retreat into the bowels of that cave and never be heard from again. His light, the only source of warmth and goodness in his world: if that were to go out he would have nothing left. Nothing to hold onto. He would slink into the darkness like the hideous creature he had become; warped and disfigured by years of living in shadow and filth. He needed her and all the brightness she exuded to guide him through the cave and turbid waters. She was the sunshine that pierced through the water, lighting up the murkiness, making the water clear again.

Red felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to face Desmond, saying nothing and raising his eyebrows expectantly. "Braxton has her. In the Nest".

Red closed his eyes and sighed deeply. He knew what he had to do. She had come for him, and by God he was going to do the same for her. He would do it every single time if it meant he could see her again. He was drawn to the light: her light. He craved it and would do anything to bask in its warmth.

With that thought in mind, he looked at Desmond and said, "I'm gonna get her back"


End file.
